Everything Everything by Nicola Yoon

Spoiler warning! This book has a major plot twist in the last chapter which is discussed here, so please don’t read ahead if you don’t want to be spoiled.

Maddy is allergic to the world. She hasn’t left her house in years, and her world consists of two people, her mum and her nurse, Carla. She doesn’t have an ounce of selfish ‘why me’ angst in her though, and lives a comfortable happy life of reading, working through online school courses, and movie nights with her mum.

Until Olly moves in next-door, and Maddy starts chatting online to him. He opens up an entire new world to her, and she sees what she’s been missing out on. Suddenly, the quiet life she’s living isn’t enough anymore. She wants to experience the outside world, with him by her side.

I started this novel with such high hopes. It was wonderful to actually relate to a teenage protagonist who had a chronic illness and lived a somewhat similar life to me. I also loved the layout of this novel. Incorporated within the story were graphs, lists, poems and art, adding such a unique personal level of creativity and insight into Maddys mind, and the chapters were short, keeping you racing through the pages quickly. I could look past the insta-love and a few illness-related plot holes I noticed, as it was just so good to finally read what felt like a wonderful book!

“My birthday is the one day of the year we’re both most acutely aware of my illness… another year of missing all the normal teenager things… another year of my mom doing nothing but working and taking care of me.”

Full of quotes that I thought I related to, you can understand my frustration when I found out the plot twist. In last few chapters, you discover that Maddys entire illness was simply made up. Her mother was suffering from a mental illness herself, and was trying to keep her daughter close after losing both her husband and son in a car accident. I felt my heart sink when I realised the easy way out was being taken. The romance again became the main focus and it became just another YA contemporary.

Three things authors do in novels with ‘sick’ main characters that annoy me.

-       Have the character die a tragic but martyred death

-       Have the character be cured and go back to living a normal life

-       Have the illness not actually exist in the first place.

Reading book after book with endings like these, it reinstates a negative feeling that a sick persons story is only ‘marketable’ if there is a dramatic ending to it. As a girl with an illness that is not terminal, but who will probably never be cured either, I wish there were more novels out there that illustrate living a fulfilled life alongside having an illness. Maybe this is just a final push to write my own novel. They always say to pen the book you want to read!

How To Be Brave by E. Katherine Kottras

Georgias whole world is turned upside down when her mum passes away, and when the weight of both her own and her fathers grief falls heavy on her shoulders, she decides to live by the last few words written on paper by her mum. 

"Go do anything you like - in fact, do everything. Try it all once.... Be brave."

She writes a bucket list of 15 things she has always wanted to do but never had the courage to before, and slowly learns that new experiences and stepping out of her comfort zone isn't actually as frightening as she first thought. 

Books based around lists really appeal to me, and 'How To Be Brave' didn't disappoint. Every one of us has felt like an outsider at some point, so Georgia was a relatable and powerful female protagonist. I immediately felt like she was a best friend I'd had since primary school. She always remained so positive all the time, and always looked for the good in any situation. When asked to describe herself in one word, she responded with 'Happy'. I also loved her character development. Going from being quite lost in life, she found a passion and talent for art, just like her mother. I absolutely agree that art can change your life. It gives you a purpose, a wonderful creative outlet, and an instant mood booster. 

The only reason I didn't give this book the full 5 stars was because I personally felt there were a lot of stereotypical YA elements. For example, mean cheerleaders, the depressed 'emo' teen, and a perfect and handsome romantic interest, almost to the point of being unrealistic. He just happened to have an ill father with the same specific kidney issues as her mum, was the only one who got her obscure quirky references, and they instantly fell in love, which felt impersonal and rushed rather that full of chemistry and romance. 

There are so many ways to be brave that don't include simply getting high, skipping school, and, skinny-dipping. I agree that having fun and making new friends is important, and all characters need flaws to learn valuable life lessons, but there could have been some deeper messages throughout the book describing how many other ways there are to be brave, for example, saying yes to things you wouldn't normally, standing up for someone, facing problems instead of running away, and asking for help.

However, the primary focus on empowering female friendships and Georgias self improvement more than made up for these few issues I would have changed.

Overall, I would absolutely recommend this to anyone who likes easy, heartwarming contemporaries. I received an ARC e-reader copy of this book from NetGalley in return for an honest review. 

Stolen - A Letter to My Captor By Lucy Christopher.

Sixteen year old Gemma is kidnapped from Bangkok airport and flown halfway across the world. When she awakes, she finds herself in the hands of a man named Ty, in a desolate desert spanning miles and miles around her. He doesn't want to kill her. All he wants is for her to love him. He's been stalking her since she was 10, and planning their new life together the entire time. She has no chance of escape.

Documenting the bizarre months they spend together, this book shows how the lines between love, lust, loneliness and fear blur together when you live in isolation. Gemma starts off hating him and feeling utterly miserable.  

  

As the book goes on however, I personally couldn't help but go through Stockholme Syndrome with Gemma. Her curiosity about his motives encourages her to start talking, and I began feeling sympathy for him. Hearing about the struggles Ty faced in the past shouldn't make you feel any compassion towards him, considering what he did to Gemma, but somehow, you get sucked into his world and you begin to feel like you understand him. He truly believes he is saving her and giving her a better life, showing her things she would never have seen before, and he never once actually hurts her. The emotional pull you feel towards Ty should feel wrong, but he deserves happiness, like everyone does. 

“Lets face it, you did steal me. But you saved my life too. And somewhere in the middle, you showed me a place so different and beautiful, I can never get it out of my mind. And I can't get you out of there either. You're stuck in my brain like my own blood vessels.” 

Don't get me wrong, I completely understand that what he did was utterly unacceptable. But you can see that in his own twisted way, he loved her. She attempted to escape on more than one occasion, but each time she ended up close to death and Ty rescued and nursed her back to health every time. Whether she felt an attachment to him simply as a coping mechanism, a survival instinct and a basic need for human interaction, or whether under different circumstances they could perhaps have actually worked out as a couple, she begins to connect with him. The character development in this is mind-blowing.

I won’t spoil the ending for you, but even now, weeks after I turned the last page, I don’t know how I feel about it. This book will play with your mind and stick with you long after you have finished it. Definitely recommended! 

New Paintings and Pet Portraits!

Today I'm going to share with you a few paintings I've done recently, and as something new and a little different, I'm going to write a little bit about my thoughts and processes behind them. You learn so much more when you self evaluate the things you create! 

This painting was done in my weekly art class. I had an initial photograph to work from as inspiration, which had a simple watercolour feel to it, but because my favourite medium is acrylic I tried to adapt it to a different style. My main focus was on replicating the muted but diverse collection of colours the original image used. I started off with watered down paint, but quickly found that it left a very grainy thin feel to the image, and so begun thickening it up. I added my own details, plenty of texture and tried to make it a little more interesting with drips and splatters. I am slowly learning that I don't have to stick to a reference image completely, and that I am allowed the freedom of putting whatever marks I want on paper, there are no restrictions! Nothing is right or wrong in art. Critically, I feel like the the three lines coming off the side could have been a much stronger white, to create a firm edge. However, I love the overall tone of this painting, and to me, this almost feels like an abstract seascape, with stormy clouds and rain, but a bright clear sun threatening to overtake the day from behind. 

This was an image I painted for a very special lady at the Turner Syndrome Support Society. I had such fun with this, I love the vibrant colours used, and the paint splattered effect is slowly turning into my favourite way of completing an image. Done a few months ago, this was one of my very first attempts at painting an animal, and I really love how unique it is, not adhering with the true colours of an animal, but still ending up with a creative and vibrant image that is true to the breed. The paintbrush I used gave me a very fluffy feel to the fur, but if I had wanted the dog to look a little more defined and less like a puppy, I could have used a thinner brush and made more defined lines. The white could also have been stronger, however overall I am so very pleased with the result. I am now also taking animal portrait commissions, so if you'd like a framed painting of your beloved pet in time for Christmas, let me know! I will definitely be doing lots more of these in the future. 

Am I Normal Yet? By Holly Bourne

Evie has OCD. All she wants is to be normal. She’s coming off her meds and starting at a new college. She’s even going to parties and making friends. But is she ready for dating?

Relationships are messy – but even more so when mental health issues and teenage guys are involved. But if she can't tell her new friends the truth about herself, what will she do when she actually falls in love?

This is rather heavy book, so don't go into this thinking it's going to be cute, romantic and fluffy. Although dating and love is a huge part of this novel, Evies OCD and GAD (generalised anxiety disorder) is the main theme, and is portrayed in the most honest way I have ever read. It shows her good moments, but doesn't skip over the awful overwhelming moments full of negative thoughts and feelings. It's truthful and genuine and you really feel for Evie. Seeing mental illnesses portrayed accurately is rare. 

Evie makes friends with two girls called Lottie and Amber, and together they become a group of empowered, female positive activists, reinventing the word spinster, and having meetings discussing everything from periods to the bechdel test. If you're unfamiliar with the concept, the bechdel test is a way of pointing out sexism and female exclusion in modern media. To pass, two females must have one conversation, at any point during any entire film, that isn't about a boy.  Pretty much half of all films ever made fail. I believed I was already quite well informed on feminist issues before reading this book, however I learnt so much from these girls conversations, and anyone who reads this book will hopefully find themselves learning, and striving for female empowerment. it was lovely to read a book that had female friendship at the forefront. 

There was a huge 'self love' theme throughout, which I was so pleased with. It's important for young people to learn to accept themselves, especially the uncontrollable parts like illnesses. Even Evies little sister reminded me a lot of my own situation, so accurately showing that feeling of helplessness you feel when you cant be the big sister you desperately wish you could be, when they become the one who look after you, spouting words of wisdom and watching out for you the way you should be for them. 

My only issue would be how central the word 'normal' was to the novel, and that there was a checklist of 'boyfriend' 'parties' 'no meds' and 'college' to finally determine whether she was like everyone else. Let me tell you, if those four things actually determined "normal", I am absolutely the most "abnormal" person in the world. Everyone has moments where they don't feel like they fit in with everyone else, but there could easily have been a stronger message to say that being different wasn't a bad thing. I understand why there was so much focus around it, written from a teenage girls perspective, nobody wants to be seen as an outsider, but it could have been a lot more 

I was so happy with how it wrapped up as well, I wont say too much for fear of spoiling it, but it was positive without simply dismissing everything Evie went through to create a perfect happy ending. This is the first book in a trilogy and I cannot wait to read the others, which will actually tell Amber and Lotties story! 

Holly Bourne also wrote a book called Soulmates, which I absolutely loved. It's a strong romantic novel, so please let me know if you'd like me to review that! 

Catching up on classwork!

Art School. It's a dream in the pipeline... no matter how long it actually takes me to get there! For now, I'm taking a class for one day a week, and so I thought I'd show you a few paintings I finished from last term! 

Art is the only way to run away without leaving home!

 What’s in my art bag? | Meg Vlogs

Extraordinary Means by Robyn Schneider

When Lane is sent to Latham House, a sanatorium for sick teens suffering from drug resistant, terminal and highly contagious tuberculosis, he assumes his life is over.

A place where midday nap and rest time is a required class, no homework is allowed, it's easier to fail breakfast than math, lessons are mostly unsupervised easy worksheets, and PE consists of gentle walks for those who feel up for it... to any healthy person, it seems like paradise. But not to Lane. He had dreams and goals and things he wanted to do. He didn't have time to 'relax'. 

He feels trapped. Frustrated. Stifled. But then he meets Sadie and her friends - a group of eccentric troublemakers determined to try and live the biggest and most fulfilled life they can - and he realises that maybe his illness doesn't have to define you, and that life can still be enjoyable, no matter how sick you are.

This book captured long term illnesses in a truthful, genuine and realistic way. Lane started off his time at Lantham in denial about his diagnosis. He pushed himself to the limit, studying hard day and night, trying to keep up with college applications. Of course, he quickly goes downhill from overdoing it, and he slowly learns there are pretty serious consequences to ignoring his health, and eventually comes to terms with his reality.

I'm so glad this book portrayed the implications to pushing yourself too hard. He had days where he couldn't leave his room, where walking around was impossible, and had endless appointments with doctors. The characters were flawed, they made mistakes and the consequences were pretty severe. Sadie ran a black market of sorts, sneaking in all sorts of contraband, sometimes in the mindset that she was invincible. The one qualm I had with the book was that they had a 'sneaking out in the middle of the night to get drunk' storyline, it made the otherwise heartwarming message of the book come across very slightly as 'life your life to the fullest, but the only way to make memories and have fun is to get drunk like every other teenager...." but I'm glad the author portrayed the harsh repercussions after that night and didn't simply brush it off.

A few months ago I watched a TV series called 'The Red Band Society', which followed a group of sick teens in hospital. I loved the characters in it, but found the script infuriating. These teens were having so much fun, 'playing hooky' from hospital and going out on day trips, without wheelchairs, medication or even supervision... going up on the roof and having night time picnics, decorating their hospital rooms as if they don't have to worry about infection control or cleaning. It irritated me quite a bit, as it portrayed us as being healthy enough to do all these things that everyone else does. There's no way that I would be escaping hospital for a day, getting a bus into town, by myself and then running around a football pitch. When I'm in hospital, I am laying flat, hooked up to drips or literally ICP bolted to my bed, dosed up on medication and my days are full of tests, surgeries, medication or movies and books. However, portraying to the general public that the chronically ill CAN and do live a normal life can be detrimental, it makes it even harder for others to truly understand us. It doesn't help us to prove to people that we don't purposely bail out of meeting up with friends, that we do have major limitations, we physically can't do what everyone else does, and that our pain is real. Media has such a big influence on our life, it has the power to raise awareness to so much, and that's all I ever want to do with my blog and YouTube. 

I completely understand that nobody wants to watch a show about someone laying in bed complaining of being in pain all the time. It would be boring. Entertainment has to be somewhat dramatic. However, Extarordinary Means has proved that you can write book about the realities of being ill, include all the medical details, and still make it utterly captivating to anyone who reads it, regardless of their own life experiences.

This isn't just another book about two dying teens who fall in love. Although there is plenty of romance involved, it's definitely not a shallow novel. It's a refreshing take on living with a terminal illness, filled with hope and inspiration.